Human Interest Stories

Farewell, San Diego

When I decided to do a road trip seven months ago from Boston to San Diego, I had no idea what to expect.

I had studied abroad in Italy for a semester in college, so I anticipated what it would be like living in a drastically different place.

However, unlike my experience in Italy, this was not an organized program with students my age. I was not in college anymore, and I knew it would be different.

I had no job. I had no apartment. I had never even been to California, let alone San Diego.

Besides traveling to San Diego with my friend from my hometown and knowing a couple of older kids who had graduated from my high school, everything else was foreign to me.

I wrote a piece for the Clairemont Times when I first arrived describing a sense of culture shock. In other words, I could not believe that was I here.

The palm trees. The Mexican influence. The beach and outdoor culture. All of it was and still is, surreal.

As I now leave San Diego and head back to Boston, I still can’t believe I have lived here for seven months.

From coaching freshman baseball at a San Diego high school to playing beach volleyball and jumping into the ocean as the sun sets, there were so many special experiences that I had during my time here that will stay with me when I leave.

Some of my favorites include:

1.     Eating more Taco Surf Burritos than I would have ever imagined

2.     Hitting batting practice on a baseball field in San Diego with my same friend who I used to hit baseballs with back in Boston…. In January

3.     Reporting at a San Diego Padres game and interviewing one of my idols, Don Orsillo

4.     Visiting Mexico on New Year’s Day

5.     Hiking Torey Pines

6.     Playing pickup outdoor basketball more times than I can count at Pacific Beach Rec Center with locals from San Diego and other east coast transplants  

7.     Visiting Legoland and the San Diego Zoo

8.     Chilling by the fire on the beach with the new friends I met in San Diego

This list is just a fraction of all of the amazing experiences I had in San Diego (I didn’t even mention La Jolla or Sunset Cliffs).

When I describe San Diego to my friends from the East Coast, I describe it as paradise.

And it is true.

In Boston, there are no palm trees. The weather isn’t perfect year-round. The most popular beaches people visit are about an hour away, and the streets are not crowded with bikers and people on rollerblades.

In addition, people don’t flood the bars on a Sunday (Sunday Fun-day is not a thing), and most people don’t surf.

The culture and vibe in San Diego were actually like a different country for me.

It was that different.

But, I have learned that the most important experiences in life have nothing to do with where you live, the things you can do in that place, or the weather.

Rather, it is the relationships that you form and the small moments that you have along the way. That is what makes an experience meaningful or memorable.

Coaching baseball was a great experience. Winning felt terrific and losing felt awful. But what I will remember the most is the relationships I made with the kids, the other coaches, and even the parents.

I may not recall a specific game a year from now, but I will remember how rewarding it felt to see one specific kid persevere and mature from the beginning of the season to the end.

Hitting baseballs on a San Diego field was fantastic, but it was really special because I was hitting baseballs with my buddy from Boston who I have known since little league.

Playing beach volleyball and witnessing the sunset as I jumped in the ocean was surreal. But what made that moment memorable was that my friend and I were with two kids we had bonded with just a couple of months ago.

Although it has been a great seven months, it is time for me to go back to the east coast and be closer to my family and old friends.

But I will certainly miss all of the amazing experiences I have had here.

There are not many places where you can bike along the beach to the bay as the sun sets in the middle of winter.

San Diego is a special place, and I will always cherish my time here.

Farewell, San Diego.

Nick Lindner: Mentally Tough on and off the Court

Forty seconds remain in the 2015 Patriot League men’s basketball championship and Lafayette is up by one.

Lafayette is hosting American University in Kirby Sports Center Arena. The stands are packed with Lafayette students, all geared up in white for the “whiteout” theme.

The crowd has been rowdy all night long, but at this moment, they are quiet.

All eyes are glued on Lafayette point guard, Nick Lindner, as he tries to put the game away for the Leopards.

Lindner controls the ball on the left wing of the court.

Using a screen from center Dan Trist, Lindner drives to the right side. Lindner drives right past the American help defender and finds the angle to get off his shot.

With his eyes focused on the rim and while getting bumped by an American defender, Lindner scoops the ball softly off the backboard and through the net.

The basket counts and the ref calls a foul on American.

Lindner stares at the Lafayette student section as the crowd erupts.

Lafayette 63, American 60. Thirty-Eight seconds left.

Lindner calmly walks to the free throw line and makes the free throw to give Lafayette a four-point lead.

Lafayette ended up winning the game 65-63, and it was the first time Lafayette had made the NCAA tournament since 2000. Lindner was awarded Patriot League Tournament MVP, and his basket at the end of the game clinched the championship for the Leopards.

Succeeding in high-pressure moments is nothing out of the ordinary for Nick Lindner. When the team has needed a basket at the end of games in his four years, more often than not, Lindner has come through in the clutch. 

The U.S. military hopes that Lindner will continue his success in high-intensity situations for their team when he joins the special operations unit after graduation.

Before joining special operations, Lindner will have to pass the Special Forces Assessment and Selection (SFAS). If he passes the SFAS, then he will join special operations.

For Lindner, working in special operations has always been a “dream” of his. To him, the job does not seem scary, like it would be to the average college student, but exciting.

“Ever since I was a kid, it seemed like the coolest job in the world,” Lindner said. “Jump out of planes in the middle of the night and go snatch up a bad guy. It always seemed like the coolest thing in the world to me.”

In addition to the “danger” that draws Lindner to the military, he also said that his family and his mentor also fought for their country.

Physique aside, working for the armed forces requires a certain level of mental toughness, and thanks to playing basketball for a division 1 school for four years, Lindner says that he has it.

While Lindner’s play on the court was exceptional, as he was the first Lafayette player to score 1,500 points and record 500 assists, the mental aspect of Lindner’s game has been the most impressive.

“He's the sort of person you never want to get going because if you say something to him he's gonna try to destroy you on the court,” former teammate Nate Musters said. “He has a fierce mentality like that.”

If you watch Lindner play on a daily basis, there is one concept that comes to mind: mental toughness.

Whether Lindner himself or the team is performing well or not, Lindner always continues to play with the same competitive passion. Whether that means playing high-intensity defense for the entire game, attacking the hoop on offense relentlessly, or simply getting his teammates involved, Lindner’s passionate play is always consistent.

In addition to how he plays, Lindner’s constant positive body language and stoic facial expression always send the same message to anyone watching that he is not rattled by the moment in the game.

As the starting point guard for the Leopards for four years, Lindner’s job was to consistently bring the ball up the floor, while defenders are grabbing at him, double-teaming him, and trying to steal the ball.

While doing all of this, Lindner’s demeanor doesn’t change.

Unlike LeBron, you will never see Lindner sulk or complain to his coaches when things are not going well.

Unlike LeBron, if Lindner’s teammates screw up, you will never see him publicly yell at them.

As a two-year captain in high school and in college, Lindner thinks displaying a cool confidence during the ups and downs is crucial for being a leader.

“If things aren’t going my way, and I show that, the team will hurt from that,” Lindner said. “But if I’m the same person whether I’m doing well or doing bad, then they will notice that and hopefully calm down from that.”

Lindner was not always this mentally tough, however. When he reached his first year at Lafayette College, Lindner’s biggest challenge was the “mental aspect.”

“Getting that mental toughness was the hardest thing,” said Lindner. “It’s a big burden. A lot of these guys depend on their livelihood on you and adjusting to that pressure [was difficult].”

The moment where it started to change for him was very early on his freshmen season in 2013 when they played against Villanova and then Robert Morris.

Lindner was “really nervous” when he was playing against Villanova. Despite these nerves, he played well and Lafayette had a lead in the second half before losing the game. But when Lindner played against Robert Morris, it was the “worst game of [his] career.”

“I played horribly,” Lindner said. “The next practice after Robert Morris I was sulking around and so coach kicked me out of practice and I didn't start against Princeton. I knew then that I had to grow up and that showing emotions after a game was not in my benefit, so I didn't do it again.”

Lindner explained that because he had to deal with a lot of failure and pressure moments early on in his career, he got “comfortable with failing.”

“I have become comfortable with losing, and getting back up and doing it again… Whether we lost by 2 or loss by 30, I always come back the next day and am the same player.”

Lindner learned that failure is “inevitable” and that “it’s how you respond to it that matters.”

Lindner’s new mindset led the Leopards to a Patriot League title in his sophomore year.

“It was one of the best days ever,” Lindner reflected. “It was everything you would expect and dream about your whole life, and then it happens. Everyone is just so happy. It was just a really cool moment, and something I will cherish forever.”

The moment Lindner remembers most is being in the locker room after the game.

“Coach walks in and starts dancing,” Lindner said with a laugh and a smile. “It was a good time man.”

Another big moment that changed for Lindner was the transition from his sophomore season to his junior and senior year. Lafayette lost most of their veteran players, and Lindner went from leading veteran scorers who knew how to win to leading “young guys.”

Lafayette struggled to win in their next two seasons, but Lindner explained how he grew as a person and a leader during those two years.

“It’s your job after losses to keep morale up, and make sure we come to practice the next day,” Lindner said. “I learned more in these last two years than the rest of my life… You learn more from failure. People say that all the time.”

Was it a burden to constantly keep everyone together during losing seasons?

“It wasn’t a burden,” Lindner said. “It’s just something you do, just lessons you learn from sports. Hopefully, I carry that ability the rest of my life.”

Musters also saw this growth in Lindner.

“When he came to Lafayette he was a bit of a kid at times, now I'd say he's a man,” Musters said. “It's a big difference in terms of how he carries himself, how he talks, how he presents himself…  I think at the start he got really frustrated with other people easily, now he will talk to them and talk them through how to do what he or the team needs.”

In addition to his leadership abilities, Lindner also showed his impressive work ethic in his time at Lafayette.

“I have never had anyone put in the time and the work necessary to competing at such a high level,” Lafayette College Men’s Basketball Head Coach Fran O’Hanlon said. “No one outworks him.”

Whether it’s going to the library after playing a game to write a 10-page paper until midnight or doing ball handling drills for an hour and a half every morning to prepare for the season, Lindner’s philosophy has always been to work your hardest and see what happens.

So when does he sleep?

“Sleep is not my forte dude,” Lindner said. “I don’t get much sleep.”

Lindner describes himself as an “insomniac” because he goes to sleep at 4 every morning and does not nap during the day.

Musters reflected on Lindner’s intense schedules and often “obsessive nature.”

“He's the sort of person who never does anything by halves,” Musters said. “When he was all in on basketball he would work out like 2-3 times a day sometimes, lift as well, go for a run, just an insane amount of activity.”

His odd sleeping habits, along with all of his other attributes, should be useful in his late-night missions in the future.

Lindner hopes that his time at Lafayette has prepared him well for the military.

“I’ve learned a ton from playing basketball, whether its leadership, how to fail, how to fight through adversity and do things I don’t want to do,” Lindner said. “I’m just accustomed on being uncomfortable, so I hope that translates well.”

Profile Piece on Lafayette College Philosophy Professor George Panichas

After one hour in many Lafayette College classes, most of the students are checking their phones to see when the class ends. However, in one class with a specific professor, this is not the case.

This class is an introductory Philosophy course called Basic Social Questions, and it is taught by Philosophy Department Head George Panichas. The purpose of the class is to determine the moral justifications for social issues such as prostitution and same-sex marriage.

If you glance around the classroom, you notice that almost all of the 35 students are sitting upright in their seats. Even though there is a window with a view of the quad to the right of the room, all of the students’ eyes are fully focused on Professor Panichas.

“It’s easier to pay attention when you’re interested,” said one of Panichas’ sophomore students Jay Kasekove. “He does a great job of keeping students engaged.”

As Panichas begins a story of his neighborhood mechanic, there is a sense of curiosity in the room. Where is Panichas going with this story and how does this relate to prostitution? 

But the stories do always relate to the class material, and Panichas thinks they are key to keeping students focused for an entire class.

“I can sense when I am losing people, said Panichas. “I can sense when it’s just a shade too complicated and when I’ve tried to cover too much in a certain segment of time. When that happens, I try to employ a device that will snap the brain back. Sometimes it’s a joke, sometimes it’s a story.”

George Panichas is your stereotypical looking philosopher. He is balding with mostly gray hair on the sides. He has a big gray beard. He wears a black suit with brown leather dress shoes every day to class.

If you walk into his office, you will notice that his room is scattered with books and papers. His motorcycle helmet sits on one of his chairs, and his leather jacket hangs on a hook. His glasses are on his desk, and near them is an unopened bottle of Jamaican ginger lime wine that he received as a gift from one of his students.

Panichas continues with his story. When he was in his late teens, there was a mechanic named Joe that fixed cars for free. However, there was one key: you had to drink beer with him. This was often problematic because Joe had a very big tolerance for alcohol. If you drank with him, you would probably get drunk. One morning, Panichas needed his car fixed. Panichas asked Joe if he would fix his car and he agreed. After a couple of hours, Joe had fixed Panichas’ car and Panichas asked to pay him. Joe declined, however, and was even insulted that Panichas offered to pay him money because he was doing Panichas a favor out of friendship. Instead of paying Joe money, Panichas drank beer with him and got drunk by 9 a.m.

Like all of Panichas’ examples, this one came full circle after five minutes. In this example, he showed that a simple monetary transaction could devalue the quality of something, just as one philosopher argues that paying for sex devalues the quality of the sex.

“The examples are always to a point,” said Panichas. “I don’t just go in and tell bad jokes. Well, maybe I do. But it’s always to the point… It makes people focus and makes people go ‘haha,’ and they are back. If you have an hour and 15-minute class, you have to do that more than once.”

Panichas also explained that he thinks telling stories in Philosophy is important because you learn philosophy by thinking about real-life problems.

“For me, philosophy is a matter of responding to things that have happened to you,” said Panichas. “When I think of philosophy, I think about how things happen to me, and then they kind of stick.”

In Panichas’ examples, he uses a combination of storytelling and comedic techniques. He uses fantastic one-liners. He pauses for effect. He looks around the room and waits to see the students’ reactions. He looks confused when he knows the students are confused. He flawlessly keeps the students wondering where the story is going. And by the end of the story, the students understand the point.

“He will act like he’s really serious, and then he will say something ridiculous,” said Kasekove. “His comic timing is excellent.”

“I enjoy telling stories and being funny,” said Panichas. “Maybe that’s why I love teaching.”

Panichas’ unique teaching style has clearly resonated with his students. He has received the Student Government Superior Teaching Award, the Marquis Distinguished Teaching Award, the Jones Lecture Award for excellence in teaching and scholarship, and the Crawford Award for a high standard of classroom instruction.

“The man has the rare combination of being a genius and being able to communicate that genius to others,” said Kasekove.

The one award that meant the most to Panichas was the Student Government award because he knew that it was from the students.

“It’s nice to be appreciated,” said Panichas. “That one I cared about because it came at a time when it was good to get it, and I think the students wanted me to get it. They Genuinely meant it.”

Panichas has been teaching at Lafayette for 35 years. He teaches ethics, applied ethics, political philosophy, and philosophy of law. He has produced two anthologies, and he has written many articles on different philosophical issues.

After teaching for so many years, Panichas has learned how to be effective.

“You have to be more like a jazz player,” said Panichas. “Jazz players learn a lot of songs, a lot of tunes, and they get good at a lot of instruments, and in this case, it’s your brain and your speaking abilities. So, what you do is you have this stuff as background, and it’s all in your head, and then you trust your instincts. You trust your instincts to come up with examples. You trust your instincts to come up with stories that you think students will understand and go with it. But, for me, that was always intuitive.”

Even though Panichas is popular at Lafayette, his candid personality sometimes does not resonate with people.

“Some people find me to be a royal pain in the ass,” said Panichas smiling. “I’m straight, and for some people, I’m way too blunt. I’m just not diplomatic enough. Fuck that. Diplomacy, who needs it?”

In addition, Panichas does not shy away from controversial issues in class and is not afraid of sharing his opinion with his students.

“You know what I really hate is someone who says there is this side of the argument and there is this side of the argument, now you can make up your mind,” said Panichas.

“Bullshit. If you have a well-formed, well-argued position, I think you are being dishonest to your students if you don’t say this is the argument that really works or fails.”

As I left his office, I thanked him for his time. He responded, “Wait until you get the bill.”

Lafayette College Student Fan Section

If you attended a Lafayette College sporting event four years ago, the fan attendance and atmosphere would look very different then it does today.

Very few students attended the games, the crowd noise was often low, and there was no cohesive fan section.

“The student sections weren’t organized,” said senior Lafayette student Stephen Bezer. “No one was coming to the games. No one was pushing people to come.”

This all changed three years ago at a home football game.

“The atmosphere was crazy,” said senior Chris Saint-Germain. “We hadn’t seen the crowd like this in a while. I remember vividly seeing a lot of first-year students, and they made the crowd really good. That day, me and Bezer decided we should create a fan section.”

Saint-Germain and Bezer called their group Leopards Lair, and their main goal was to increase fan attendance

“We wanted to get kids to go to games,” said Saint-Germain. “We wanted to gauge students’ interests.”

Leopards Lair has had a large impact on fan attendance, according to Assistant Sports Information Director Brian Ludrof.

“Leopards Lair this year was amazing to say the least,” said Ludrof. “The student turnout has been excellent. Leopards Lair has proved they’re the best fans in the patriot league.”

The group is graduating most of its members this spring. Leopards Lair consists of 14 students, nine of which are seniors. The seniors hold all of the leadership positions, which include president, secretary, treasurer, public relations, and graphics designer.

Bezer and Saint-Germain want their group to continue after they leave.

“When I come back, whether its next year or two years, I hope there is something in place where people can go to games and support the teams,” said Saint-Germain.

Leopards Lair has picked the next president of the group, according to Bezer and Saint-Germain. However, they did not want to release the person’s name because it’s not official.  They did say that the upcoming president has been in Leopards Lair for one and one half years.

As the current leaders of the fan section, Bezer and Saint-Germain are very loud during the games. However, Bezer said that the next president of the group does not necessarily have to act as crazy as him.

“Yeah, I go crazy with the posters, and all that stuff, but that’s because that’s the type of fan I am,” said Bezer. “We don’t need that to be successful. If everyone stays organized and has a game plan for how they want to run it. I think when I come back, it will be the great Leopards Lair like it is right now.”

Although Bezer thinks that the juniors may not be as animated as he is, he still thinks that the junior class has a lot of school pride.

“The junior section is still school spirited and has high energy,” said Bezer. “Will they go as far with the signs as I’ve gone? I don’t think so. But who knows? They have a whole senior year.”

Along with transitioning the juniors into their new leadership roles, Bezer and Saint-Germain also said that they are trying to recruit underclassman to create some stability in the group.

“We are looking to recruit mostly sophomores and first years because we don’t want people leaving every year,” said Saint-Germain.

When they were only sophomores, Saint-Germain and Bezer received the Aaron A. Hoff Award for the recreational organization of the year. The award recognizes people and organizations that have had an impact during the year.

“It made us feel proud to be an award recipient of that,” said Bezer.

“That was cool,” added Saint-Germain. “It was a lot of work. But we did it.”

Over the next two years, Leopards Lair continued to organize events and encourage students to go to the games. They expanded their social media pages, and they came up with innovative ways to get kids to go to the games, such as giving out t-shirts, having students attempt half-court shots for $1,000, and creating a new name for the basketball student section, called the “O-Zone,” named after current Lafayette men’s basketball coach, Fran O’Hanlon.

Bezer and Saint-Germain believe that that the group had an impact on getting students to games and increasing school spirit.

“Leopards Lair has changed the atmosphere for athletics,” said Bezer. “Athletes have been appreciative of it. Students enjoy the games a lot more.” 

“It was good for the campus, good for the athletes, and good for the school in general,” Saint-Germain added.

Sophomore basketball player Mike Hoffman is one of many athletes that have appreciated the student fan group.

“It’s insane how big of an impact leopards Lair has had,” said Hoffman. “I’m speaking for the whole basketball team. The crowd has made it so much more fun to play. It’s such a big advantage for us when you have a crowd like that. They have been amazing.”

Students also agree that Leopards Lair has had an impact on Lafayette athletics, and they want to see the group stay in place after the Seniors graduate.

“Leopards Lair has definitely had an impact on school spirit,” said sophomore student Austin Drucker. “It’s been in place my whole time here, but they definitely get the word out well for games and have created a good atmosphere. I want it to continue.”

The Clairemont Times: My Road Trip from Boston to San Diego: A Personal Story Part I

Before I get into my road trip from Boston to San Diego, let me introduce myself.

My name is Robby McKittrick, and I recently graduated from Lafayette College in Pennsylvania. I was a psychology major and philosophy minor, but my dream and goal is to be a full-time sports journalist or sports broadcaster.

So how did I wind up in San Diego?

The summer before my senior year of college, I was thinking about what I wanted to do after I graduated.

I could join the “real world” on the east coast and take whatever nine to five job a liberal arts major could find, or I could travel and work in a different part of the country.

I love the Boston area, but I wanted to experience a place drastically different from the east coast.

How did I pick San Diego?

Obviously, I knew about the San Diego Zoo from the movie Anchorman.

But besides that, the warm weather, the pristine beaches, the southwestern vibe, and outdoor hiking opportunities were, of course, a draw.

Once my friend and I chose San Diego, we decided to take a road trip to get here. We picked the southern route, traveling through Nashville, Montgomery, New Orleans, Austin, the Grand Canyon, and many other memorable places along the way.

For anyone that has ever traveled to a different part of the country, you know what it feels like to step into a different culture for the first time.

People often use the term “culture shock” to describe this phenomenon.

However, culture shock is often thought of in a negative sense.

What I mean by culture shock is that feeling of excitement and amazement over the different types of people, geography, architecture, food, and culture. That feeling of "I can’t believe I am here."

It’s one of the many reasons why I love traveling.

One of the first times I felt this sense of awe on our road trip was when we stopped in Montgomery, Alabama.

In Montgomery, we went inside Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s old home. The tour guide described the Reverend King’s family life and the many death threats that he received every single day in his home.

We also visited the spot where Rosa Parks refused to sit on the back of the Montgomery bus. As we walked along the streets, I noticed the diverse groups of people with their strong southern accents.

Another instance was in Alamosa, Colorado at Great Sand Dunes National Park.

Imagine entering the Sahara Desert, while also being surrounded by a bowl of Rocky Mountains.

This is the scenery at Great Sand Dunes National Park.

At the peak of the park, you have a full 180-degree view of the Rocky Mountains, as well as the Sahara-like sand pyramids in the background. While you stand on top of the pyramids, sand gusts blow into your face reminding you once again of a desert.

There were many other places along my journey that were quite different as well. Whether it be the honky-tonk bars in Austin, Texas or hiking down into the Grand Canyon. Each place we visited was interesting for its own unique reason.

When I finally landed in San Diego after a month on the road, I knew that I had picked the right place.

The palm trees, the Mexican influence, and the immediate beach atmosphere jumped out at me right away.

I am excited to begin my adventure in San Diego and to be writing for the Clairemont Times.

The Clairemont Times: My Road Trip from Boston to San Diego: A Personal Story Part II

In part I of my road trip piece in the November edition of the Clairemont Times, I introduced myself and explained why I chose to travel to San Diego from Boston.  I also described a few places where I felt that “culture shock” sensation of “I can’t believe I am here.”

In this piece, I want to reflect on the idea of “finding yourself.”

This term was thrown my way with a sarcastic tone anytime I told someone that I was planning a cross-country road trip to San Diego.

“You mean you spent $200,000 on a college education to go to the west coast to find yourself???”

Well, not exactly.

You could say I heard this comment quite a bit from family, friends, neighbors, even random people at graduation parties who love sharing their opinion. It is your classic east coast comment that is a little bit harsh, kind of funny, with a mix of truth (I miss that east coast humor already).

However, before I heard this phrase in relation to my west coast adventure, it was also often used by one of my friends in college, Mike “Ipp” Ippolito.

If Ipp was having one of those groggy mornings, he would often say that he needs time in his bedroom to “find himself” before he starts the day.

Although we always heard him say it, we never actually thought about what the term meant. One day, one of our friends asked Ipp to explain what he meant by the term “find yourself.”

Surprisingly, Ipp actually provided a clear explanation. To “find yourself”, he explained, means that you are in one state, but you really want to be in a different one. Therefore, “finding yourself” is taking the first step to ultimately reach that desired state.

Now, you may want to take this explanation with a grain of salt, as he is only a 22-year-old college guy and not exactly a philosopher. But after thinking about Ipp’s definition of “finding yourself,” I decided it was actually a good explanation of the term.

Let’s say you want to obtain a peaceful state of mind. How do you achieve that? Maybe you go outside and find a nice spot by the water with a view of a sunset. Maybe you do Yoga, play basketball or play the guitar.

How one “finds oneself” depends entirely on the individual.

The reality is that I discovered amazing places on my trip to San Diego, where I could self-reflect and where anyone could find themselves. I will describe some of the best places I found along the way.

Arches National Park, Utah

Arches National Park is an extraordinary place with rocks in the shapes of arches.

The most popular of the arches is Delicate Arch. In this photo, my friend and I hiked past Delicate Arch and climbed up to a peak across from it. This gave us an amazing view above and across from Delicate Arch, and it was away from the many tourists taking pictures at the landmark.

It is a prime “find yourself” destination.

Bryce Canyon National Park, Utah

Bryce Canyon is absolutely spectacular, especially at Sunrise. In the photo below, we watched the sun slowly rise above the different colored canyons and green forests for an unbelievable view.

Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona

Looking down into the Grand Canyon is an amazing site. Even after a month of traveling from city to city and national park to national park, the sunset at the Grand Canyon was by far the most astonishing thing I have ever seen.

Not a bad way to finish a road trip.

San Diego

The best way I could describe San Diego to Ipp is that it is filled with places where you can “find yourself.”

Whether it is biking along the boardwalk from the beach to the bay while the sun is setting, hanging out at Kate Sessions Park, or simply relaxing in the sun by Mission Bay, the spots in San Diego to find oneself are endless.

Honorable Mentions:

Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado (Emerald Lake)

This would have surely been on the list if it was not for that cold Colorado weather. With the mountains reflecting off the clear lake, this place has all of the qualities to be a great “find yourself” destination (as long as you are not freezing).

Zion National Park, Utah

The insane mountain views make this place an immediate “find yourself” spot. However, the big drop-offs, steep cliffs, and tricky hikes make it most exhilarating and exciting.

Feature Story on Deborah Austin

“I should have done this a long time ago,” Deborah Austin thought to herself as she drove to Sala Thai Restaurant in Washington D.C. Her entire family was inside their small silver civic hybrid: her husband, her son, Desmond, and her daughter, Alegra. Had it not been for Alegra telling her usual jokes and keeping the mood light, the car ride would have been quiet.

                        

There was a mix of emotions in the car. There was a sense curiosity, some nervousness, and even some regret.

This was no normal night out for dinner.

At 59 years old, Deborah Austin was driving to meet her biological mother for the first time.

Deborah Austin was adopted by a Catholic organization in Richmond, Virginia when she was baby. Until she was 7 years old, she did not know that she was adopted. But one day when she was 7, she learned that her mother was not her biological mother.

Deborah and her best friend from childhood, Michelle, were playing outside Michelle’s house. This was a typical day for the two children, and like children do, they were having a “playground squabble.”

After some back and forth arguing, Michelle said, “At least I’m not adopted.”

“No way,” Deborah responded. “I don’t believe you.”

To prove Michelle wrong, Deborah went home to ask her mom if she was her real mother.

“I’m not your real mother,” Deborah’s mother told her. “You’re adopted. It means you’re a special kid, and it means we wanted you. We selected you, so that’s really what it means.”

“Who are my real parents?” Deborah asked.

“I don’t know who your biological parents are,” said her adopted mother. “We’re your real family.”

Deborah accepted this, and she and her mother did not talk about it for many years. For such a young child, it was hard for her to completely comprehend the situation. Besides, she had a great family.

“I felt very connected to my adopted family,” Deborah said. “I received a lot of love in my home.”

But when Deborah became a teenager, she started to think about her real mother and wonder who she was. However, she did not actively try to figure it out because her adopted mother was not happy about it.

“I didn’t want to make a big deal of it,” said Deborah.

In addition, at that point, all of the records were sealed so she could not have found out who her mother was.

When she was in her mid 20’s, Deborah started to actively search for her biological mother. This search resulted in part due to Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah Winfrey had a talk-show program where she had long lost mothers and daughters meet each other for the first time on her show.

“Oprah Winfrey has had a huge impact on our culture,” said Deborah. “The whole idea of talking about stuff like this became more acceptable.”

Deborah’s adopted mother showed her the court order for her adoption, and Deborah found out that her legal name is “Michelle Vines.”

However, after a “half-hearted” search for the sir name “Vines,” Deborah still had no luck finding out who her real mother was.

When she was in her early thirties, Deborah started thinking about her mother more intently. She put her own name in the registry. She attempted doing research on the Internet. But she still was not “aggressively searching” for her mother.

In 2007, Deborah found out about a search process for finding one’s adopted mother through a Catholic charity. She received paperwork for her to fill out. But she put the paperwork on a shelf and let it sit there for a year.

Deborah’s adopted mother still was not happy about the idea of her daughter finding her mother.

“If anyone tries to steal my baby, they will have a hard time,” Deborah’s mother told her.

A couple of years later, Deborah finally filled out the paperwork and sent in money for the search fee to the Catholic charity. For Deborah, a deep sense of curiosity had built up throughout the years, and she had longed to know her true mother.

But even after she sent in the paperwork, there was still a problem.

“We got your paperwork, but we didn’t get the search fee,” the Catholic charity told her on the phone one day. “Are you still interested?”

Deborah was surprised to hear this because she knew she sent in the money. She told them that she was still interested.

In 2010, the Catholic organization found her money and, according to Deborah, “everything came together.” The Catholic organization hired an investigator, and they started the search for her biological mother. In 2011, she heard from the Catholic charity again.

“We know who your biological parents are,” they said. “Do you really want to continue on?”

“Yeah, sure I do,” Deborah said.

In the summer of 2012, the Catholic agency connected with both of her biological parents. Deborah’s father didn’t want Deborah to contact him. Deborah’s biological mother wrote to the agency and said that it was okay for them to connect with Deborah. She also sent the Catholic agency pictures of herself to show Deborah.

Deborah learned that her biological mother’s name is Cynthia Wilkins, and that, amazingly, she lived only 12 blocks away from where they live in Washington D.C.

They lived in the same neighborhood for 20 years and never knew it.

“That was crazy as hell,” said Desmond.

After Deborah received Cynthia’s contact information, Deborah and Cynthia talked to each other on the phone. They learned that they went to the same church for 15 years. Deborah sang in the choir at 12:00 p.m. and Cynthia went to church at 10:00 p.m., which was the same time that Deborah’s husband played the base in the church. Deborah and Cynthia never saw each other at the church because they went to different masses.

Deborah did not meet with Cynthia until a couple months later. They decided to meet at Sala Thai Restaurant.

At 7:00pm on an August Night, Deborah, her husband, Desmond, and Alegra all went into their car to head to Sala Thai restaurant.

Cynthia, carrying a card and flowers, looked calm as ever on the outside. But Desmond thought she was nervous.

“There was some degree of butterflies,” said Desmond. “I mean your meeting your real mom for the first time in years…She was kind of a horse with the blinders on, just kind of focusing on her goal.”

“I was nervous,” Desmond added. “What is this woman going to have in store for me? What is she going to look like? What is she going to be like...What if she’s crazy?”

However, although Desmond thought she was nervous, Deborah says that she was not.

“I was curious, not like unruly nervous or anxious,” said Deborah.

When they arrived at the restaurant, they immediately recognized Cynthia Wilkins, who was with her oldest daughter. For Desmond, It was like seeing an older image of his mom. She had the same pronounced cheekbones, the same big eyes, and similar mouth structures. Even her smile was the same.

Deborah could also see the similarities.

“I could tell it was my mom,” said Deborah. “I see the resemblance. Definitely.”

But, as Deborah describes, this first interaction wasn’t your typical movie ending.

“It was not the conventional made for TV moment,” she said. “There was not a lot of crying and all of that.”

Deborah and Cynthia approached one another awkwardly, and they gave each other a passive and formal hug.

“You look like your father,” said Cynthia. “I’m sorry I had to make that decision. I’m glad that I met you now.”

After some awkward moments, they started to get more comfortable with each other. They then sat down and ate dinner as a family.

Deborah learned that Cynthia and her good friend would often light a candle at night and pray that Deborah would come back to her.

“And that’s what happened,” Deborah said. “They always prayed that I would be in good hands.”

Three years since they first met at the restaurant, Deborah and Cynthia have spent more time together. They have gone to each other’s family events, and they have met tons of cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and brothers and sisters.

“I cannot count how many nieces and nephews I have,” said Deborah.

At 59 years old, Deborah is able to reflect on her experience.

“It was a little hole in my heart,” she said. “There is a little sadness that’s there that you can’t put your finger on, and that went away when I successfully completed the search… I do think I felt at peace. “

Even Deborah’s friends can tell that she looks calmer and more focused now. But although she has found her mother, she still appreciates her adopted parents.

“Blood isn’t thicker than water,” Deborah said. “What carries you through is the love and nurturing you receive. And that’s what forms the bond… Nobody can be my mother or father other than the ones that raise me.”

But, as Desmond said, Deborah is focused on the future.

“Once you get to be as wise and intelligent as I believe my mother to be,” he said, “you tend to focus on what’s ahead of you then what’s behind you in the past.”

March Madness: Bonding A Family

Every year in March, millions of people around the country take time out of their busy schedules to make a bracket for the NCAA March Madness Tournament.

Many people, including myself, make pools with their families and friends. Money is usually on the line, and everyone is trying to make the best bracket to beat one’s family and friends.

“It’s a fun distraction from my busy daily life,” my sister, Kerry McKittrick, who works for a congressman in Washington D.C, said

Almost every year since my senior year in high school, I have organized a March Madness pool. I initially started the pool because my grandmother had cancer, and it was a fun way to bring the family together during difficult times.

“The family pool was a really fun distraction from her treatment,” my mom reflected.

The pool was a hit from the start.

All of my aunts, uncles, and cousins joined the league, and everyone loved the constant playful jabbing in the emails.

“Your first pool was the best as it was the first time I had been in a pool that included all generations of our very close family,” my great uncle Peter Hoffman said. “I looked forward to your commentary along with the family banter.”

“It was really fun to compete with my three kids, parents, in-laws and cousins,” my mom added.

That year, my grandmother correctly picked an improbable upset of #15 seed Mercer over #2 seed Duke. Everyone was giving her a hard time for choosing Mercer in the beginning. However, when they actually did upset Duke, we were all stunned.

“Everyone in the family (and in the hospital) was talking and laughing about it,” my mom said.

Since I knew the most about basketball and ran the entire bracket, it was fitting that I finished in last place, right behind my 8-year-old cousins.

My mom won the pool that year, and she had bragging rights until she finished in last place the next year.

“I won that year and no one in the family gave me the respect I deserved,” my mom joked.

The pool continued the following years while adding more family and friends, and ultimately growing to upwards of 50 people this year.

Family members from Massachusetts, New York, Virginia, Washington D.C., Pennsylvania and all over the map continued to participate in my pool.

While I initially made the pool during a difficult time, it now serves as something that all of the family members look forward to every year.

“March Madness is the best sporting event of the year,” Hoffman said. “Having a pool just adds to the excitement.”

“I definitely look forward to the annual pool, even though I rarely watch college basketball at other times of the year, and I never win,” Kerry McKittrick added.

Last year, I did not make the family pool because I was in Florence, Italy studying abroad. But at every family gathering, people would ask me, “Are you doing the pool next year?" Or “I can’t wait for your pool!”

When I returned to the United States from studying abroad in Italy, things in the country had changed. The political campaign was in full gear and there was an increase in anger for both sides of the political spectrum.

But this March, like every other March, people put politics aside for a moment and enjoyed the tournament.

“This year's pool was especially exciting as Aunt Carol was in it until the last minute,” Hoffman said about his wife. “She was excited and nervous which made her understand how I am when I watch an important game in which I have a rooting interest.”

Like every other year, there was the playful family banter in the emails about who was going to win.

“I look forward to new emails, to laughing at family trash talk, and to connecting with family members I may only see once a year," my sister said.

Our cocky cousin, Chris Alexander, unfortunately won this year. His brother won the pool last year, and he let everyone in the group know it.

“The Alexander reign continues,” Alexander gloated. “How many in a row is considered a dynasty?”

For some people, the March Madness tournament is fun because of the intense, close games. But for my family, it’s a time where everyone can connect through an activity that everyone enjoys: watching basketball.

“I love connecting on email with multigenerational relatives from both sides of our family who live around the country,” my mom said. “Everyone bonds around basketball.”

Although I felt a sense of sadness as the March Madness tournament ended on Monday night, with UNC beating Gonzaga, I think everyone appreciated the timing of the tournament, given everything else that has been going on in the world.

“In these trying times in the world, and especially politically in this country, it was a great diversion for people,” Hoffman said.

“In our family, we have Republicans, Democrats, Independents and everything in between,” my mom added. “During March Madness, we connect, compete, laugh, and bond over basketball.”